Opposites DON’T Attract

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We grow up hearing so many conventions, sayings and cliches, that they end up secured in our sub conscious memory. Result- every choice, decision and judgement revolves around these adages unknowingly. One such cliched statement that disguises to hold true in relationships is – Opposites Attract!

This was, or may be still is not only a popular interpretation of relationships, but also one of the most conveniently used pick up lines, ever! When we are young with not much conscience about ourselves or the awareness for the need of knowing ourselves, we end up making choices that may not necessarily do any good. One such instance is ending up in relationships due to an immaturity to realize what we actually want or mere lack of judgement.

A shy boy meets this outgoing girl and he is instantly mesmerized by her charming personality. He falls for her ability to express herself and her gregarious nature. Well, just like any romantic novel or a movie, they are attracted to each other, end up in a relationship and enjoy a sunset together, relying on the masked fact of- Opposites attract!! They enjoy each others company and keep spending more time together. It’s all wonderful and beautiful during their initial lovey-dovey stages of love life. But the real problem sprouts in the long run, when they reveal much more about each other, only to realize how different they are! Well ya! That’s how they got together in the first place, duh!

They no longer find their partners attractive. The extroverted quality that he admired, seems to slowly turn noisy and annoying. The shy guy that she loved and respected, turned out to be a hindrance to her outgoing personality. The attraction fades away as they realize their differences. This is a mere example of one of the scenarios. Well, the differences might be extensive. It could be due to opposite personality traits, career choices, goals, ambitions or values.

Opposites attract- and then can’t stand each other

Kenneth Kaye

As the phrase suggests in itself, it is merely an attraction. An attraction that has no promise to last forever. But there are cases where this phrase actually worked, when partners are poles apart, but lived happily ever after. It could be an outcome of complementing each other consistently or a constant struggle to make their relationship work, rather than mere attraction. The bottom line is- relationships will or will not work due to various reasons, but there is no truth in “Opposites always attracting!”  Well yes, may be in science, for magnetic poles, but not in relationships!

The choice of your partner depends on your perception of yourself.

Yes. It’s all you again and your mind! We always want to end up with the right ones, don’t we? But why do we screw up? What makes things go wrong? It’s because we never knew what we are! Nor did we know what we want. Self analysis helps us prevent mistakes we regret. It’s all in the perception of ourselves!

People who love themselves at a greater level, often end up falling for people similar to them. Why? – Because they are sure of what gives them comfort and what repels them. A reserved person, who loves himself/ herself for being reserved, may actually only enjoy the company of a person with similar personality and interests. Because in the long run, that’s how they will be!

An introverted person who is not really comfortable in his/ her own self, looks for or gets attracted to an extroverted personality. But it’s important to be sure if that will last forever. It will, if they really are unhappy about their introverted nature, wanting to get out of their shell and crave for someone to complement them.

It is essential to recognize the principles that matter the most to us. Choosing a partner with similar or opposite values, depends entirely on our perception of what is important to us.

Recent studies have shown that opposite similar values and views are needed for a healthy and lasting relationship. Many people with similar backgrounds/ professions actually end up longer together. This works, if you believe different career choices might actually cause disturbances.

No two people are alike. No matter how hard we strive to find someone like us, there will be things that are opposing and different.  It is necessary to not only enjoy the similarities, but also to appreciate the differences, thus complementing each other. Knowing what similarities or differences to admire, is up to us and our belief of ourselves. This paves way to make the right decision, rather than any pre- existing notions or adages. In the end, any relationship needs effort and commitment to keep it going.

So, understand yourself before you get ‘attracted’ to someone, because circumspection is always better than repentance.

 

Weekly Discover ChallengeConventional Wisdom

Cherry on Top- Rainbow

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Dal Lake, Kashmir

A boat ride through the floating gardens of Dal Lake, surrounded by beautiful houseboats and magnificent mountains was a pleasing experience.  The evening was complete with a sudden drizzle of rain to enhance the surrounding serenity. The huge rainbow across the lake was a cherry on top, thus making the entire experience mesmerizing! No wonder why Kashmir is referred to be the Paradise on Earth!

 

Weekly Photo Challenge- Cherry On Top

Big Fat Indian Feast of the Unknown

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                                                                                                                                            Image Source: Google

Why are you still lounging around like a couch potato?? We are getting late for the wedding. Go, dress up now!”, my mom grumbled, as she put on her bangles. I continued to pretend ignoring her words, while aimlessly browsing through the channels on television. Though my fingers were busy clicking buttons on the remote control with my eyes staring at the screen, my mind started slightly waning away from my idea of a perfect evening.

How long will you sluggishly switch channels on this idiot box and ultimately end up dozing off? Why not do something productive?”, my mind echoed.

What? Productive?? Is that even a thing to do? My mind has been suffering with some serious issues lately, in regards to my definition of happiness. Nothing gives me more joy than snuggling into my couch, with no damn thing to worry about! But why is it turning into my antagonist?

I can never be wrong! There is something beyond the couch that gives you immense happiness. FOOD!!!!”, reiterated my master mind.

Oh yes!! How could I overthink food? And wait! The wedding! Weddings mean only one thing to me- Food!! And lots and lots of it! Yes!! A big, fat wedding feast is all I need!

I hesitantly bid goodbye to the greatest pleasure of my survival- my cozy, comfy couch, without which, my life wouldn’t have been the same! As I stood up stretching to prepare myself for dressing up, I noticed my mom all bright and shiny, ready to head out for the wedding. “I’m coming with you. Wait for me”, I notified her. “Hurry up!”, she replied. I was least interested in playing dress up as my priority was nothing close to looking nice and pretty.

Finally, we reached the wedding venue, which appeared more like a food destination, rather than a place of celebration. My mother found her ‘known faces’ and went ahead mingling in a crowd full of dazzling, flashy ensembles. I went on my own way to find a perfect corner with least number of people, expecting minimum or zero drama. Luck worked in my favor and I found the perfect place, though no way close to my cozy couch that I abandoned.

As I waited restlessly for my mom to find me, I noticed a queue of people waiting as restlessly as me to congratulate the couple and head towards the dinner. In the process, I happened to get a glimpse of the bride and groom and wondered, Who are these people? Do I even know them? Are they friends/ relatives? Or may be, I should have at least read their names at the entrance. But, well! Who cares?!! I know what I’m here for, why bother about the unknown?

My mom finally found me and asked me to join the bandwagon to congratulate the newly wed. “I can’t pose for pictures with strangers. You have fun! And be quick, I’m starving!”, I quirked. I realized that the crowd in the wedding hall slowly started diminishing. Except for the ‘best wishes’ line, there were hardly any people around. I was pretty sure, everyone has headed for the feast. Well, I’m not alone then! That’s the reason most of us attend weddings anyway. If a movie was to be made on wedding ceremonies, the newly weds shouldn’t be considered as the lead cast. They just play a supporting role to the main lead- Food!!

Thankfully my mom was back and we were finally a part of the feast I was waiting for! With a colorful and varying number of appetizers, salads and main course, my appetite only kept scaling up beyond my control! And hey, this repeats for every cuisine! They have Indian, Chinese, Mexican and Italian. Whoa! This is an addendum for all my efforts of getting away from my warm couch. Not to forget the innumerable varieties of desserts, ice creams and fruit salads! But where do I start? Should I stick to a single cuisine? Or try them all? But what if I’m full midway? Or should I have more appetizers and stick to one cuisine for main course? Uff, this is tough! Screw it, I’m gonna savor as much as I can!

I started off my expedition for food, with a confused mind, but a hungry tummy. Hunger always wins and made me end up with a full plate of appetizers irrespective of cuisines, though my mind yelled to stop! I hogged on to try some of my favorites and then experiment with others. As I was nearing completion of the stuff on my plate, I realized I was full. So full, that a glimpse at the main course was no longer appetizing. The salads no longer appeared alluring. Screw the desserts, I don’t even wish to have a look at them!

My intention to satisfy my food cravings was left halfway. The sole purpose of my mission to attend this ceremony failed miserably. My stomach was full, but my mind was dissatisfied. Disappointed with my below average capability of doing justice to a feast, I headed home with a heavy heart and belly.

Soon after I reached home, I jumped onto my couch that I deserted. In a while, I opened a pack of chips and started snacking away. Well, if this is all that I can do, why do I need a feast?! “Lesson learned!!”, I warned my brain.

 

Daily Prompt- Feast

For Posterity- Handwritten Letters

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When was the last time you ever sent or received a hand written letter? Never? (Too bad!) Has it been years? Like once upon a time? (So you are aware how they look like!) Do you still receive or happen to send out letters/ postcards adorned with your very own handwriting? (Lucky soul!!!)

If I could single-handedly prevent something that is about to disappear from falling into oblivion, it has to be handwritten letters! I’ve been fortunate to get a number of opportunities to write letters. Though they were mostly official/ formal request letters for the banks or leave letters to the Principal in college, I wrote them (no typing!). My lethargy to type and take a print out, in spite of having the resources, might be counted as one of my excuses to hand write. Whatever may be the reason, I’m glad I chose to write over type. Informal letters to loved ones have lost significance anyway, so why not grab the opportunity to write while seeking permissions and authorizations?

Technology has taken over every sphere and one such instance gave rise to ‘writing’ being replaced by ‘typing’. The last time I received a handwritten letter was more than a decade ago, when my family and I moved to a different place during my 9th grade of schooling. After relocating, things weren’t great, life wasn’t smooth, though not the worst. I was unsure if I was slowly getting accustomed to the newness the new place had to offer or was feeling lonely deep inside for missing my old life. Could not make many friends in the new place due to language and cultural barriers. So obviously, I either spent most of the time at school feeling the voidness, or at home quarreling with my brother over Pokemon and Tazos!

One fine day, as I reached home from school, my mother handed over a letter that I received. Never did I receive a post on my name until then. Hence, my curiosity knew no bounds. The handwriting on the cover made me elated, as I was more than familiar with it! A letter from my dear friend back home, came to my rescue after months of loneliness. How better can it get, when I receive one during Friendship Day week?!

I could feel her attempt to communicate through her words on the paper I was reading, through her handwriting that I can never forget after having exchanged notes for years. Her handwriting was always very different from many others I knew. It was crisp with vivid curves and broad, clear alphabets. She was way too generous with spacing between words, thus quickly running out of pages in her notebooks! All these ran in my mind while I was not only admiring her writing, but also reading her letter with a smiley face.

As usual, she used up all the paper of the inland letter without utilizing it to its full potential. I could feel her emotions and felt so close to her through her writing. It had her personal essence that I could not find in the new place. The letter and my moment of reading it was priceless and I wished to cherish it for a lifetime!

Mobile phones weren’t revolutionary yet. They were a thing of the wealthy and definitely not an obvious need in every household.  STD call was the most used way to communicate with people living in other states. We communicated often over phone, but the feeling that came with the letter was beyond everything. I am so glad I had the opportunity to experience that feeling. I was always astonished and amazed at the way my grandmother exchanged letters with her sister until very recently. But now, the mobile bug has not spared them either and they communicate via cell phones.

Ever since the popularity of emails and SMS emerged, handwritten letters started losing significance. Now, they are a thing of the past. We live in a world, where proposals are done over Skype and break ups over text messages. I wonder if the current generation kids are even aware of a handwritten letter’s existence!

No matter how emotional the text message is, with innumerable emoticons, how detailed the email is, with more than necessary GIFs and images, they can never match the personal connection felt from a handwritten letter! The handwriting of a person connects at a deeper level, as it is a part of their personality that they share on a piece of paper. But a typed text is the same irrespective of the person typing, thus lacking a personal touch.

Try to write a letter and send it to your loved one. I’m sure they would cherish it for a lifetime in a world full of texting and typing. And who knows? A dispute over a text might lead to a break up, but an explanation via a handwritten letter might lead to a happily ever after!

 

Weekly Discover ChallengeFor Posterity

Perfectionist Problems

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Do you think this is alright? Or should I put in more color for a pop in the background? Err, may be I’ll just leave it, sometimes simple is beautiful. Oh, wait! But it’s too simple. How will a cosmetic brand like something without enough color? Arghh, God! I just want it to be perfect!!, cries Nita while showing her work to a colleague.

Nita is an assistant creative director at a budding advertising & media firm. Being a perfectionist, Nita loved delivering the best and the perfect work. She wanted to put her best foot forward for her first task at her first job! She has to come up with a poster design to be presented for a client meeting. Since it’s her first assignment, she wants to get it right and for the perfectionist she is, she is not easily satisfied by what she comes up with.

I wish I had more time! I’m unsure if this is right or if it is what they expect?”, she whined, rubbing one of her hands on her forehead, while restlessly clicking the mouse with the other. “Why don’t you give this a shot and see how it goes?”, suggested her colleague. “Nah! I’ll research some more and come to a conclusion by end of day”, Nita assures herself. She stayed up all night researching and editing drafts. She feels she made progress, but something isn’t right, her inner conscience tells her.

Constant self doubt is a perfectionist’s uninvited guest! Especially when they are dealing with something for the first time and are in a dilemma if they met their ‘perfect’ definition. This predicament and self doubt often lowers confidence in whatever they accomplish. A perfectionist’s craving for something better never ceases. But the good thing is they put in their heart and soul to produce the best results. However, the feeling of ‘not really satisfied’ leaves them perplexed.

The next day, Nita heads to the meeting room all prepared for the presentation. However, the constant doubt in her head continues to haunt her. She has no choice now, but to present what she came up with. As the clients walk in to the room with her boss Jack, the creative director, she smiles nervously and starts her PowerPoint presentation. She continues to explain the concept behind her poster design in a ‘not so confident’ voice. Once she is done with the presentation, she noticed the clients appear happy with what they were just offered. “Well designed! We like the attention to detail that you put in. Slight modification on the intensity would make this perfect!”, one of the client members commented. Nita sighed in relief as nothing huge was requested and appreciated their feedback.

Once the clients left the room, Jack acknowledged her work and commented, “Good job! But I noticed you were not confident, any issues?”

I was not really satisfied with what I came up with, I wanted it to be perfect with no flaws”, Nita said with a twinkle in her eye. Jack nodded and replied “That’s okay. It was great work for a first timer. Nita, confidence means the ability to do mistakes without fear. It does not necessarily mean being perfect. How will you know what is meant by ‘perfect’ when you don’t know the flaws?” Nita appreciated Jack’s thoughtful suggestion. She felt she realized where she was going wrong.”Very true, I’ll keep this in mind. Thank you Jack!”, she replied while walking out of the room with him. “Don‘t forget to email me a copy of the design!”, Jack reminded her while entering his cabin. “Will do!” Nita smilingly replied as she headed to her desk, satisfied after a successful presentation.

 

P.S: The words on confidence were one of the best suggestions I really received from someone. But I don’t work in the Advertising industry 🙂

 

Discover Challenge- A Piece of Advice