Growing up is a complicated process. No, I’m not referring to the biological sense of growing that occurs effortlessly. But about mental and emotional growth. It is definitely complex. When I look back to my old self a decade ago, I can undeniably call myself sentimental. Not that I’m not sentimental anymore! I still am the same with varying degrees of it. The fact that I’m actually getting nostalgic about my old self, shows that the sentimental fool still exists in me.
Though I was never a drama queen sort of a person, I was immensely attached to every living and non-living thing that mattered to me. I trusted blindly in few object oriented things and believed those brought me luck.
For instance, I used the same pencil case throughout my schooling for 12 long years, irrespective of its wear n tear! Wow! Really? Was that even me? Sigh!
I still remember few kids at school making fun of the ‘then old fashioned’ pencil box. I never really cared about what people commented on those things, as long as I have them with me.
I find it silly now, but back then I believed that was the reason behind my good grades. I was attached to it with fear. Fear of failing if I don’t use it. I had many ‘priced possessions’ like these that I was sentimental about. Mostly the ones related to my education. Why? Because doing well in studies was the sole reason of my existence then!
Before you judge me that I’m so materialistic, let me tell you, I’m also insanely attached to people and places. And the best punishment for my emotional attachment was my dad’s transfer every now and then.
It was such a pain! At that tender age, when you start relishing every aspect of life which are playing and studying, you do not want any turbulence. Once I got accustomed to the new place, made friends and loved going to school…Boom! Another transfer! The thought of new place, new culture, new language, new school, new syllabus, new people and everything new was horrifying. By the time I got used to a place and loved everything about it, I would see myself wake up in a different latitude and longitude the next morning!
For someone who gets emotionally attached easily and is sentimental, it is hard to withstand distance. Distance from loved ones and favorite places. Traveling can give you wonderful experiences. But visiting a place can be different from actually living there. When we visit, we look at it as a location, but when we live at a place, we consider it to be home. For a sentimental fool like me, changing homes was never easy.
Lately, I’ve observed drastic change in my sentimental personality. I find it easier to travel and relocate myself. Getting accustomed and living on the other side of the globe has been a cake walk! Culture shock is no longer intimidating and I look forward for it. I do not have any more mad fondness on houses that I considered home nor do I believe in any materialistic things bringing me luck.
However, I still have a deep attachment to my loved ones, but I understand this connection better. Over the years of moving around and living in different places, facing situations that were least expected and watching helplessly when loved ones pass away has only faded the sentimental me.
I’m still unclear about this disappearing tender personality of mine. I do not know if it’s making me emotionally rigid or it is a way of making me stronger. Thinking on the bright side, every place/ person I was sentimental about has only made me an adaptive person.
Because, situations that once broke you, are the ones that made you!